BAD WEATHER TODAY!

But it ain't getting me down!

Just spoke to the editor and they are deciding on my book! Asked for another day for them to decide if they want my book. Both editor and chief editor are in discussions now. Got to wait till the weekend's over before they come back to me on Monday!

Have a great and wet weekend! Hope the cable TV gets fixed up for this weekend or else ....... Aaargh I will send a tornado twister their way, I promise!

MY BOOK IS WITH THE PUBLISHER!

EXCITED ABOUT MY FIRST BOOK!

Keeping all fingers crossed that it will receive some positive response. They have confirmed that they would get back to me by end of the week and that I should hold on to sharing it with other publishers until then.

It's been a rainy day but not enough to pull my spirits down. Life is about hope and faith and whatever it takes, I will see it through.

Who says bipolar people don't finish projects they start, I finished my book and that alone is making me feel like I am on top of the world!

HERE'S TO A HAPPY EVENING TO ALL OF YOU!

IT WAS BECAUSE OF BIPOLAR AFTER ALL!

It’s amazing how time flies! My last blog was in November and since then my world is totally different now. Looking back at my old blogs, there was so much bitterness thanks to bipolar disorder.

Since then, I have been diagnosed put on medication, gotten better over the months, gotten a temp job, wrote a book, writing my 2nd book and behaving less impulsive and erratic.

Feels good to be back.

To all those that I have blogged nastily about, my apologies but that was how I felt then and I don’t feel it now….blame it on the bipolar disorder!

WHY CAN'T ANYONE SEE MY SIDE OF IT?

What have I done so wrong that no one ever has done, to deserve all the treatment that I am facing today? Why is it that others can make bad choices and its fine and I cannot make wrong choices and not be ridiculed, criticized and judged for it? The others make them and don’t speak and hide it and I am the fool that speaks of it, face the mistakes and have to take all the judgments from these same people.

Dad was right, I talk too much but that is my character. I am harmless, not like some people. A husband that seems so calm, nice and sincere and that is what is perceived by the outsiders as being in control of things, yes, of his things only. This man has made so many mistakes over again and again and again, some of which I am aware of but many others that he has kept secret for fear of being judged. Well, I judge him because I am the only one who has lived long enough to know what he could possibly be.

EVERYONE SEES HIM A GOOD MAN, IS HE A GOOD HUSBAND? HE SAYS YES, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
He proclaims himself as the nearest-to-the-best husband any woman could have. Yes, he professes it in his defense because he needs to. A good man wouldn’t need to profess it because his wife and family will profess it. Now you judge for yourself if he befits this title.

DOG SHOW VS SON’S SHOW
He would spend his time to go to a dog show year after year, sometimes even a few times a year. He has never been to even one of his son’s activities, not one concert, not one sports day. It’s for the business, and that is justifiable.

NO TO EVERY BIRTHDAY
He hasn’t the time to take him to birthday parties or even attend his son’s birthday at school because of the business. It’s justifiable. He would go to his client’s events because it was business.

BROKEN HOUSE VS EMACULATE KENNELS
The curtains railings are falling off, the chair is broken and has been for now 10 months, the tv doesn’t work in house and he wouldn’t do anything about it. He would replace anything in the kennels and keep it well painted and renovated at any costs and at times borrowed costs, because it is for the business.

WIFE ALLOWANCE, GO GET IT YOURSELF!
He professes to give me 5,000 and let people think it’s for my spending. But its transition money, I do the paying for the household. It is his half of our past commitment of 8,000. He used to pay 4,000 and now because I do not work, and we have cut our commitments down, he needs to top it up by 1,000K and he has made me cry and explain myself to death for it over the past 10 months. From this amount, I don’t get even an allowance to keep my skin in tag. He said, that I should do all that I do for the love of the family. And if I want any more, I have to find it myself with work.

STAFF ALLOWANCE, SURE THING
For the business, he would increase his staff salary, he would let an ex staff take his money and not demand it back, he would house his friend’s STD son in a motel and shuttle the boy to the doctor’s to treat his STD. For whatever extra that the wife may need, she would have to beg for it.

TO VET FIRST THEN TO HUMAN DR.
I hear daily stories of his visits to the vets, of what the vet knows nothing of the dog’s condition and yet when his son is sick, he either doesn’t notice it until I say something or it has to wait until the kennels is closed before he is taken for treatment. The business is still first.

DOG DIET VS SON’S DIET
He knows what to feed the dogs and what not to feed the dogs to keep them healthy and yet, he feeds his son with KFC and complains that our once-a-week McDs is bad for him. He would buy 5 boxes of ice cream for consumption. Over the years, he still has to learn that his son cannot eat ice cream because he develops the cold cough and eating KFC doesn’t make it better!

DOG GROOMING VS WIFE’S HAIR KEEP
He takes his dogs for grooming when he thinks its hair is in bad shape but when his wife, who nowadays go to a backend cheap hairdresser, he blames her for changing her hair and wasting money! My hair cut costs 15 and his dogs’ haircut costs minimum 80! And he pays it forward and hopes the owner will repay him and if the owner doesn’t, he would have done it for the dog. It’s for the business! My perm is 50 and I style it differently BY MYSELF and he says I go to the coiffeur’s everyday!

GOES ANYWHERE ON HIS OWN
He takes his son out all the time, and don’t go out with us as a family because he says he can’t stand being with me. But at the least, could you not keep us informed where you are going? Let us know that you are KFC and asked if we could possibly want some to, since we are stuck home?

NO NOTICE
Can he at least tell us he was going to the mall and give us a choice, instead of just going and thereafter come home with his son and say, they went there. Can he not call to say he was at the grocers and if there was something we needed from home? Instead of coming home with bags and bags of stuff we didn’t need or didn’t want?

SARCASM IS THE WAY OF A LOSER HIDING HIS DEFEAT
Can he be less sarcastic so that we all don’t pick it up and start talking that way to everyone around us? I have so far not been too affected, I don’t use it when I am out with friends but hell, I use it on him, I have mastered it from the master himself. My daughter has been criticized by her friends that she is sarcastic. She wouldn’t dare use on me and when he is sarcastic to her, she just ignores him but she is retaliating by using it on her friends. And before long, when the son grows up he will also master it. Every damn thing that comes out of his mind and mouth is sarcastic. We were told to understand that that was the way he dealt with issues! And we have to learn to deal with it. So he gets to keep doing it and we have to suffer it? Huh? I am getting rid of the advisor!

WHAT IS AKA BAD INVESTMENT
He announced that he spent 25K a month ago. Please enlighten me. OK, I got 5K to keep the house going. Where on earth did the rest go to? Give it 10K to keep the kennels going (which is an exorbitant amount for the operations by my calculations.) What happened to the other 10K? Oh I forgot, to the business! I have yet not had the liberty to look into the expenses for the kennels but I can bet my life, he spends most of it on it. Tsk! Tsk! Everybody understands that because IT’S FOR THE FUCKING GOD DAMN BUSINESS!!!!!

He makes the money and ploughs it back it, so what the fuck money is he making? We do not improve our family life because he doesn’t do anything to keep the family going. He just wants to keep the kennels going! He makes more and more and we still have to live with 5K.

DOGS’ LIVES BETTER THAN HUMAN LIVES
I KNOW HE CAN DO IT, IF HE DOESN’T SPEND SO MUCH OF THE FUCKING MONEY BACK INTO THE FUCKING GOD DAMN KENNELS! He got some money sent from Spain for his sister’s visit last August and the balance unused, it went to the kennels for expansion. All the money he has ploughed back into the kennels, where is the extra income earned? Isn’t that called bad investment????? It has not improved our lives. It has improved the dogs’ lives! Soon I wouldn’t be surprised that the dogs will be living in air conditioned cages because of global warming! Oh, please don’t forget, it’s for business!

I PAY FOR DOG MEDS, YOUR FAMILY PAY FOR YOURS
He would pay the vet to treat his dogs, the numerous strays that cost more to feed than his family! And he told me to get my family to foot my medical bills because any extra has to go back to the business!

BEGGAR WIFE
I have yet over the years to receive anything from him without begging! I should consider professional begging. I should be quite good at it over the past year’s training.

IT’S NOT ANOTHER 9 YEARS, IT’S ANOTHER 5
I wanted to change the car so that we could improve just the little time that we share as a family better. The small car is already giving trouble and I have had to beg for money to fix it. I worked out a deal that he need not pay a fucking single cent more except that the loan is now stretched another 5 years and he went and fabled his way to my brother now convincing him that he cannot afford it! My brother doesn’t believe me and believes him! I am so disappointed!

NO ONE NEEDS TO PAY A CENT!
I did my brother a favor in putting the car in his name so that he could build up the No Claim Bonus discount pending his purchasing another expensive car which he couldn’t afford but its ok for him, mum will ok it because he is the son! But she wouldn’t ok, him applying for the loan for my car change because she thinks we can’t afford it. She bought him the Evo because he developed HBP and he was not working then! But that’s ok, it’s for the son!


FAVOR FOR FAVOR, LEAVE MY FAMILY BIZ ALONE
Doesn’t anyone understand that I did him a favor and I want the favor back now because the damn car is in his name! What a big mistake. And I want to right it this time so that this kind of shit doesn’t happen to me anymore. I cannot trust my family anymore.

I AM NO CHEAT!
Even my sister who offered to pay for my medical bills wanted a receipt for my doctor’s visit! What do they think I am, a fucking cheat????

ALL ARE REASONS, AND ALL ARE VALID, JUST DIFFERENT
Everyone else’s reasons are deemed valid and mine are always stupid! But really if you look into it carefully, mine are just different. As different as they are and as honest as it is, it is what I need to do, whether to force commit my husband to improve our living or our relationship. Can’t anyone see it that way? And even if it means it would improve my condition, what is so wrong in doing so? Why do all of you not help see it my way?

Why can’t anyone see me happy? Why do I always have to fight so hard to make myself happy? There isn’t anyone who loves me unconditionally, the one that did, died 5 years ago.

TO MY FAMILY
Hey, mum, bro, sisters, I have HBP too and I don’t get extras from my nearest-to-the-best husband and on top of that I have the other disorder too, can’t you support me by letting me do this? I AM NOT ASKING FOR MONEY!!!

TO MY NEAREST-TO-BEST HUSBAND
Which would you rather?

Pay for monthly maintenance of the old small car
Fight every time we go out in it because you and I are overlapping our bodies
Be prepared to buy 4 new tires as they are running thin (Min 600)
Battery is giving out soon (280)
I am not going to risk driving the car when raining because the car is skidding badly these days Car is too low to sail through floods
Pay road tax & insurance in January 09 (Min 600)

OR

Maintenance free for min. 3 years, service and parts for the new car
Road tax and insurance covered in purchase of car
No quarreling about being squashed
No need to pay extra every month (BTW, you are not paying another 9 years, you still have to pay for the small car another 4 years, so you are actually only paying another subsequent 5 years!)
For the comfort of your family
For my sanity
For once do it for the family instead of the BUSINESS!

I JUST WANT TO CHANGE A BREAKING DOWN CAR FOR A NEW ONE, NO ONE NEEDS TO PAY ANYTHING, I AM NOT ASKING FOR MONEY, JUST A SIMPLE APPROVAL TO DO SO......WHY MAKE IT SO HARD...............THE CAR IS JUST TOO SMALL FOR ALL OF US AND WE WILL BE SPENDING MORE MONEY TO HAVE IT FIXED MONTH TO MONTH, WASN’T THAT WHY YOU CHANGE YOUR SMALL CAR WHICH HADN’T EVEN RUN AS MUCH AS MINE HAS....WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN SO MUCH TO GET SO LITTLE????? CAN’T YOU SEE THAT THESE COSTS CAN BE SAVED WITH THE NEW CAR??? CAN’T YOU SEE THAT IT CAN IMPROVE OUR OUTINGS? WE FIGHT ALL THE TIME NOW, BECAUSE WE ARE SO SQUASHED IN IT. CAN’T ANYBODY SEE SOME GOOD OUT OF ALL THIS? WHY ARE YOU ALL TORTURING ME??

FOR ONCE, CAN IT NOT BE FOR THE BUSINESS? CAN SOMEONE JUST SAY YES WITHOUT PUTTING ME THROUGH HELL!

I don’t have a husband that loves me, why can’t you guys just love me???

HOW I WON THE $5000 - PART II

Let’s start part II from my last entry.

AT THE WAITING ROOM with "THE OTHERS"

The waiting room was pretty occupied. It looked like I was about the last one that gathered before the competition began. And it was only 8.00pm. We were supposed to get in at 8.15pm.

MS I-WANNA-B-WHITNEY

But not surprisingly the Pakar “superstar” was as usual later than late, some diva she thought herself to be, I suppose.

THE CARROTS

The big group of 15 or 16, or whatever the number, The Carrots, were there in their casuals. I believe they lost out in bagging the 1st prize because the costumes were just pretty boring and too ordinary, not to mention, due to their big blabbermouth leader. Really corkiness doesn’t get no one anywhere and he has yet to learn that bit in life.

MS AIRPORT BELLY

Ms Airport was there wiggling her flat belly practising.

MELAYU MARMALADES

The Melayu Marmalades were getting dressed. I did wonder how the one with the “tudung” would look like without the “tudung” dancing and singing to Lady Marmalade! Sorry not a chance, when she told me that she wasn’t going on with the "tudung", I didn’t realize then, that she would replace it with a hay looking wig. Hey, why did I think that I would be the only one using a wig anyway?

FLOOR ROLLING COUPLE

Said a quick, real quick “Hi” to the couple dancers from a competitor company. It was so quick I absolutely cannot remember too-hoots what we talked about and if you could even consider it a “talk” I was just being polite.

MS IWB-WHITNEY'S SHEETS

Then strolled in Ms Whitney-Wanna-Be in the most unlikely “what she thought would constitute a Whitney dress. Well, she didn’t even have a close-to-Whitney voice to begin with. Nasty goes on ….

I asked about her dress and she proudly mentioned that she had wanted to rent the dress from some local designer for $600+ which I wouldn’t even have wanted it for free, I am sorry. No big deal whatsoever.

It did not need designing skills at all, it was just a few pink sheets sewn together. Then she told me she decided against returning the dress after paying $600+ and instead bought it for $1,500!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Absolutely typical amazing Melayu for you!

Well, well, how could she afford it? She said she charged it to her credit card but did not confirm if she was paying for it at the end of the day!

Everyone in the office blasted out laughing at the old small pint size yo-yo who will have to foot the bill for having an affair with her Whitneyness! Kakakakakakaka Mean Mean Simone Cruelle.

THE SENSATIONAL SIMONE & THE NINGKAMPOOP

Back to me! I was nervous, I was worried I would forget my lyrics and everyone was just doing their bit in practicing and what a racket it was. People dancing, singing, doing their hair, notebooks placed at dangerous angles due to lack of space, people yacking, visitors coming in to wish everyone their best and so on and so on.

Not to forget, the Not-That-Funny-At-All Mr Blabbermouth who was trying his utmost to mess up my song by singing out loud the original version of my song to confuse me. What a NINGKAMPOOP he is! Honestly, I personally think he is the worst than all the NINGKAMPOOPS in the world and more!

PRACTICE, PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

Then I found the best of the best place that had the best acoustics available in that room…….the attached toilet with the very broken handle, yes this is the Shangri-la, what refurbishment did they do? I guess they forgot that particular door.

So I went in and belted my lungs out until I was discovered and the minute I exited, one group after the other took over. PC of the Carrots, was such a little darling, he went around wishing everyone well and being the Christian that he is, he came to me and said a prayer for me to remember my lyrics. Yes, it will be all up to the Big Man up everywhere!

SIMONE, YOU'RE NEXT UP!

Then the call came, the competition was beginning. I was No. 5 and one by one they went for the call and my heart pumped harder and harder. I downed a beer and pee’d maybe 4-5 times before I was called.

As I stood at the entrance, I heard Whitneyness mess up her song, so “pro” it seems and sorry to say this, but I felt better. PC came by with someone (was so nervous I can’t remember who on earth it was) and they both cheered me on. Yes, there are nice people in this world really.

Then I heard, “Introducing Simone!” Out came my handphone to play out the key so I could get the right pitch! Put the fellow back in, zipped up and cleared my throat all in seconds and ……

Day O, He say Day O It sounded good, but my heart was pumping so loud I couldn’t hear a thing. The doors were opened and Queen Diva stepped into the ballroom to a good cheer. The nervousness actually provided me the vibration to my tune and at one part a little too much plus it also caused me to go out of breath.

TRUE CONFESSIONS OF AN HONEST DIVA

Oh yes, confession time, not only did I downed the beer, I smoked cigarettes (don’t ask how many, I didn’t keep count!) I actually poached one from a stranger before the door opened for my turn to sing!

I really believe the costume did it because after watching the video, the song wasn’t great and neither was the voice. I sounded like I was singing behind a muzzle contraption, something like the face mask Hannibal was wearing whilst in custody!

Great thing that I didn’t fall over when I tripped over the darn ribbons of my Cinderella shoes! The thought of falling on my face would definitely top the fall by Miss America and made local headlines and referenced it as a much better flop over than what Miss America did!

180 ABOUT TURN

After my song, I started to walk out of the room and then remembered that I had to be interviewed and made a 180 degree turn just like they do in the army and walked back up the stage just say the worst thing, “I like bald men!” I thought to myself, “Now, how the blazes did that come out?”

OH NO! BALD EX BOSS WAS JUDGE

Later I found out my ex boss (not the one who is in Happy Hospital) who was “shy” about his bald problem was in attendance! Thank goodness, I was in disguise up to my name! In all that feather, I pray he didn’t recognize me! Shucks! Just like me to blurt out whatever was in my mind at the spur of the moment! Well, just as well he was an ex boss.

SIDE TRACK TO EX BOSSES

Talking about ex bosses, seems like this is the year of ex bosses! One going to Happy Hospital in May and now in June, Ms DeFacto is threatening to throw in the towel too! This in the next excerpt…..Introducing 2007 Ms She-Devil in Disguise. This one is a true one of a kind! Believe you me!

I WON'T GO CHANGE, I MIGHT JUST WIN SOMETHING EH?

Back to Simone Showgirl. Clever girl decided not to change costume and wait till the results were announced. Got my soon-to-be new boss (yes, you are getting confused with the ex and new Boss Saga) to buy me a beer and I sat down with our “little company with a big name” table.

Got some of my feathers into some of the dishes and added some flavour to the feathers. Sat through a load of awards going mostly to only one competitor company.

ANOTHER SIDE TRACK - ENGLISH LESSON

It got boring until suddenly they were ready to announce the winners of the competition. 1st runner up (contrary to how we always mess up with 2nd runner up being 3rd, 1st Runner up being the 2nd and Winner being Champion. Sometimes, I keep wondering what happened to Runner-Up to the Champ?)

WHO TAKES THE $5000, YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO!

So in the correct grammar and positioning, 1st runner-up (3rd) was surprisingly given to the 16-17 The Carrots (just keep losing track on their numbers of people) They took the $1000.

Runner-up winning $2000 went to Ms Airport (someone must have seen at least a tiny bit of belly move)

I thought then that it was all over but then people started to cheer and shout out my names.

Yes, that’s right, no grammatical error here, they called out for Simone and my other known name.

Then the MC announced and the champion is …….. Who could forget her white bulu (aka feathers said in our local language) And I got all nervous again but in a much nicer way this time and said a very quick “Thank you God, Thank you Jesus” and then “Oh My God, I won!!”

I walked over to my Honeybunny and gave her a big hug and fake kiss (didn’t want to splatter her silk smooth face with my red blood lipstick. I vaguely remember hugging Bigbro and Babybro (colleagus from another subsidiary compnay) too.

I could be wrong, my brain fails me quite often these days. But I didn’t forget tripping over those darn darn shoe ribbons whilst going up to grab my dough! I was smiling from ear to ear, front side to side and back too!

My CEO handed me the mock cheque and whispered her gentle, “You really deserve it” And I knew exactly what she meant because she is like a mother to me and she knew I desperately needed the $$.

DANG! NO ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

Then the MD of our sister company handed me a rather large envelope and whispered to me, “Its cash!” No acceptance speech though, although I would have loved to have done an Oscar recipient speech, thanking everyone and anyone for the win.

But I can do it here, I want to thank firstly my dearest ever Father, God and his wonderful son Jesus, then my “at-times-like-this” wonderful husband who put up with my nagging and reprimanding to getting the feathers done up MY way, and very importantly to my bestest of best Honeybunny, princess of my heart!

After stashing the dough in my purse, I blew some fake kisses here and there. The rest of the night was spent with Honeybunny, my new found Babybro and then with BigBro.

THE BIRTH OF FUNTASTIC FOUR - THE BROSISHOOD

That night the Funtastic Four was founded. I was pretty pressured by some nasties (actually only one big nasty) to spend up the winnings buying drinks for the whole gang of 15-17 people who won 3rd. But of course, suggested by Blabbermouth of the team.

Maybe just one day, I would just blabber mouth out about his dad to shut him up permanently. I wonder if he would think it was funny if he heard of it. I thought his dad was funny and silly anyway.

BLABBERMOUTH ALMOST GOT HIS PRIZE!

Blabbermouth suffers from the syndrome whereby he thinks he is funny. I love to be drowned in joy of exposing him as an absolutely irritating son of a unfaithful father but and that I am certainly NOT the only one who thinks so. Surprise, surprise!

Honeybunny saved me from that, because she yanked me off with Babybro and we sneaked out of the place and went up to the pub of the hotel. I suggested to get a bottle of wine to which I left Babybro to order. After that I regretted doing that because I had forgotten how much an average bottle of wine would cost in a 5-star hotel and when he ordered Chardonnay, my heart sanked worst than the Titanic!

CHARDONNAY & BIG CROWD - SIMONE IN PANIC STATE

I certainly remember the name and that was a good wine, must cost at least 30% more than normal, if my guess was right. Then Honeybunny started with her phone answering, and one after another, wanted to come over and join us.

My head was crying out, “Oh my there goes the dough” And it cried out more when the management group turned up, my soon-to-be new boss turned up, the guy who helped me put on my feathers turned up, Blabbermouth turned up, Kokokei turned up, Miss HiMighty turned up and more and more chairs were added and that was when my brain was working out my grey matter at light speed on how to get out of this bill!

SAVED BY ECSTASY!

Honeybunny, Babybro and Simone were lost for words by then and we just felt extremely out of place with the added on list seated around us.

My supplier, Mr Ecstacy saved the early morning, yes, it was about 12am. He and his group invited us to Poppies. After quite a bit of procrastination about walking or driving because Honeybunny and I were not up for walking in our heels more than 3 feet from where we were, they decided to drive us there.

So we quickly excused ourselves, said our goodnights and goodbyes and left the bill to Mr MD. Saved by Ecstasy! Ha, why Ecstasy?? Coming up next. After traveling for about 4 km to get to Poppies which by walking distance was less than 1km away, we finally got there.

At the same time Bigbro came all the way back after sending some people he promised to return home safely under his care. What a darling! There truly are nice people around, you just need to open your eyes and ears to notice them and cherish them.

ECSTASY MA'AM?

As we all entered Poppies, I felt Honeybunny getting all tied up! Mr Ecstasy had offered her an ecstasy pill and that of course, freaked my princess out. “Simone! I am not going back with them, Bigbro will take us back to the hotel.” she whispered desperately. Hey, no worries, we could run back to the hotel without our shoes on for all I care. But yes, Bigbro saved the day and not forgetting Babybro was there too and I reassured her of her safety.

BIG MAMA PROCTECTOR OF ALL WOMEN!

With Bigbro or Babybro failing to fight off any toughy, Simone could do just the same with her Thunderthighs that can come in very handy in strangling down necks! Hey Simone, is aka BigMama the Protector!

DANCING SHOULDER TO SHOULDER OSO CAN

Boy, this Poppies WAS a good example for what it meant to be in a crowded to death! You could die there and nobody would know and on top of that, be trampled to bits, no need for cremation, just mash you all up! I was literally breathing in carbon dioxide! I mean, the smells of the sweaty bodies was fuming the whole club! Maybe the smell would kick start a nympho into action but I tell you, by normal standards, it was atrociously intoxicating (in a bad way mind you). The open air area didn’t feel like it was open air!

It was stuffy and everyone was just wiggling their dance movements or giving the guys a darn good excuse for dancing close and feeling heavenly sweaty bodies. For me this means, super duper yuck!

DANCING DIVA

So Simone ended up partying without her shoes and atop of the cushion chairs to the cheers of the younger generation. Music is like my heroine. I get high on it and get lost in it too. I forget what this big body would look like dancing the way I used to when I was 125lbs.

Problem was there were no mirrors around, that would have stopped me from dancing faster than any lightning bolt! It must have been quite a sight and very memorable for those teeny boppers there that night. I just love making a scene and I love the attention. Yeah, showgirl diehard!

MY POOR DIOR!

To the embarrassment to my fantastic friends, I am sure. Sincere sorries from Simone! After spilling a glass of water onto Honeybunny’s dress and changing the shape of my beautiful $6000 Dior evening bag because I stepped on it (stepped is a mild word, imagine an elephant stomping, that’s more like it!), it was time to go back and drink up the Moet & Chandon.

BACK AT THE SHANGRI-LA

This turned out to be a disaster as it popped up a little to loud, the colour was a little like the hair of Bigbro & Babybro’s colleague Aggie the Goldiwitch (Goldilocks was too nice a description) and the taste would be totally absolutely undrinkable! It was easily 4 years old! Thank goodness we didn’t throw up the $200 room service supper we had!

This was my fault, I didn’t wait for my Spaniard to finish his sentence and had forgotten to take heed of his sarcastic manner of speaking. I asked him if the champagne would be good the older it got and he replied, “Yes, its good…….”

GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE BIN

And I left with the bottle in hand, nope, I falsify this reality. I actually left it home whilst rushing off to work and then went 40km back home to pick it up!! I came home the following day and insisted for an explanation and he coyly said with a huge smirk on his face, “You didn’t wait for me to finish my sentence, I was saying, yes, it was good enough to throw away!” That’ll teach me to not let him finish his sentences.

SPANISH LANGUAGE REVELATION

This is because it just takes to long to wait for him to finish any sentence for that matter. He is such a slow cow (YES, iI REPEAT, COW) at times! Do you know that the Spanish takes at least 4 times longer to say anything that is in English? Compared to Mandarin probably 8 times longer.

For every English word spoken, the same word would take 4-6 more syllabus to complete. They must pay very high phone bills over there, nyak nyak, nyak!

BEDTIME

So by the time, Honeybunny changed, packed a little bit and snoozed off at 4.30am, I started to pack up all the mess, showered and took my time with a couple of smokes. I am paranoid when it comes to sleeping with anyone, because, if I ever took part in a competition for snoring, I wouldn’t need a costume to win hands down.

In fact, when I first told my Spaniard I was to share a room, he politely asked if they knew about “my” problem and if they would really risk losing the night’s sleep and a best friend! Did you know that he posed my snoring being a huge problem just before we discussed getting married! He really made it sound detrimental to confirming our nuptials! Now you understand my paranoia??

PARANOID ABOUT MY SLEEPING DISORDER

Remembering that, I stayed up until Honeybunny was fast tucked in and sleeping, before I proceeded to my symphony of grunts and growls. All in all 3 hours' sleep was all I had and I was up before my princess work up! And lo and behold, she didn’t hear a thing.

Thank you God for letting me keep this great friend. I also thank you God for deafening my Spaniard to my sleeping disorder. Sleeping disorder sounds more ladylike than snoring problem, eh?

And that was Part II……Now….smoke break. Should turn it the other way around, break the smoke! At least I am starting with an intention, and such intentions are good. How the 5000 went out of the pocket & the Love Saga of the She-Devil Extraordinaire coming up next.

I WON THE $5000 - PART I

Simone triumphs!

I bagged it! Yes, it was a night of full glamour and Simone glammed the night and the judges.

NO COMPETITION!
I never knew I would be the winner but win I did. Nyak Nyak Nyak

Ms Mistress La La eat your heart out. Even your RM1,500 gown couldn't do it.

Neither did the giganto group of beep hopping Carrots!

Those so called Plicious couldn't beat me even if they had stripped off all their clothes!

Apologies to the sweet pencil thin belly dancer, Racquel!

Jeremy Swayed but didn't sway down to woo the crowd. He was about the best singer that night though, sweet Jeremy.

WHAT ON EARTH?

And for the rest, I don't even recall them. Oh yes, there was a couple who shouldn't even have participated! I am not sure if they knew the meaning of performing. I mean rolling around the carpet has a very different meaning and really should be confined within 4 walls really.
DRESS REHEARSAL MALFUNCTION
They all thought I was a gonner at sound check rehearsals. All but my dearest Honeybuddy. She kept routing for me. " Focus!" she said, "Don't think about anything, just remember the words."

I did! Only when I was driving or singing alone!

She was there for me at sound check, in the room, eating with me and keeping me on my toes. What a doll of a princess!
SIMONE THE WRECK
The nerves were wrecked sky high when I belted out the acapella bit (singing without music that is.) Half way through, further horrors happened, I forgot the lyrics (so typical Simone)

That was when PC was confident that the prize was in the Carrot's bag.

Then we saw the rest, Plicious, Ms Mistress Lala, Racquel without her belly and Jeremy Sway, then we decided that the prize was halfway out of the bag instead for me. I figured I wouldn't stand a chance.
ONE MORE TRY & LET'S STUFF OURSELVES FULL
Honeybuddy and I left after another try out and this time, I bagged the song. Phew!

So happily we went up to relax, but ended up gorging up a huge meal, fighting with one another who to finish what was ordered. With the price we were going to pay, we should have eaten the plates and table mats and stowed away the trolley as well.

I mean $39 for local vermicelli! It's real robbery. One packet can feed 5-6, 39 packets can, well, you figure it out! It was a down right sin! But nevermind, we were hungry. When one was as hungry as we were, we got really blinded with the numbers. Don't cry over spilt milk or rather champagne in this case and we swallowed every bit of it.
BOTH READY FOR BELLY DANCING, COZ WE SURE HAD A COUPLE
Ok, now what do we do about the perut buncit ah? Well, we could have taken over the belly dancer part and at least we had the belly to perform a better belly shaking routine then Racquel's absolutely airport runway belly! I tell ya, a concorde could have recorded the smoothest landing. Which continues to add that she was also flat out at the higher level of her body. But she was a sweet thing, quiet and demure and soft.

Hey, fellows, beware of this though, I, the nasty Simone Cruelle was too once a sweet demure lurer of the opposite sex of some international races and nationality.
IGNORANCE IS BLISS
Honeybuddy had a solution, she cleverly packed in her girdle which I tried desperately to borrow to which in her usual manner ignored my question.

That's my Honeybuddy, if a question was asked but not to be answered, she switches off and switches on the next button, that is, very very swiftly change channels and starts to stray your thoughts elsewhere.

OF GEMS & SECRETS

Yes, she has secrets....everyone else's secrets. She is aka spongerina. It's all part of her profession but very very interesting. She, like my big boss has one too, Honeybuddy is MY GEM! Unfortunately my big boss's gem ain't too polished and you don't need to use high powered digital magnifier you can tell that her gem is deeply and terribly flawed.

My Honeybuddy is totally polished to the core. Well, at least I can't find any flaws so far not even with the hight powered digital magnifier. I hope I am right! Na, I am sure I am right.
GIRDLE OR NOT, THE SHOW MUST GO ON
So without the girdle and with Honeybuddy all ready to go, I assured her I could manage getting ready myself and so I did.

FAKE SUPPORT

The Scorpians (my office mates) especially Aluv was far too busy with her self inflicted paranoia love issue with Loveboy, our boss. Well, I received support in getting a couple of hours off to get the costume together and a couple of ra-ra short message service via mobile.

Thank you very much, helps a lot, tsk tsk! I am not one that expects a lot from anyone, anyway. So be it!
GETTING READY
So I got all ready, did my stage make-up. Panicked because I was tearing for no apparent reason and couldn't stop it for about 10 minutes! I thought, shucks, now I have to sing a chirpy song in tears. That would not do, no way.

It stopped, thank God!

TRANSVESTIE IN THE MIRROR!

Then after the make-up, stared myself in the mirror and saw a transvestite in it! What the heck! It happens all the time. Before I could look like a convincing transvestite but now, just a fat grand transvestite dame. Well, maybe they might give me points for doing just that, yes, it could be considered done on purpose! Yes, a possible strategy!
QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE
So this is Simone, Queen of the Jungle! Be satisfied woman, you are what you are, just love it!

I then proceeded with the wig, yup!, platinum blond bob hairdo. I placed like about a thousand pins to secure it because it had to hold up the tiara, no not the Elmo one! This time a really glamour 1 foot tall tiara but I had to make sure it would not sway to Jeremy's song and sway off my platinum wig taking the wig with it!

So another 1000 pins went in and wow, did I experience major tightness. I actually felt like the character in the Hellraiser movie. Then on went the tiara, the dress, the can can skirt.

Yeah, the can can skirt, had to add that on. The silver dress was cut down to the valley of my two titties and raised up too high to expose the dessert ripples of my thighs aka super cellulite aka pomelo skin.

Continued putting on the rest....gloves and baubles and earrings to complete the look. Picked up the huge feather accessory which I would have to wear behind my back and started out of the room out of the door.
SCENE MAKER EXTRAORDINAIRE AKA SUPER DRAMA QUEEN
I reached the lifts and pressed the buttons. Nothing, no light! Oh my goodness, now what?

I couldn't put the back gear down on the floor because it would mess up the frame and my other hand was adorned with all the jewellery that was placed over my gloves. Now how ah?

That question brought back flashes of Elliott asking the same whenever there was an issue at work!

LIFT SAGA

I thought then, hey, I could use my toes, or my nose, these were about the two parts that would generate enough heat to bring the lifts down to me! The leg lifted and then the brain locked into gear and I flashed a look into the camera which was of course, staring at me! Well, it could be something to cheer up the security guards watching but the boring part of me got the better of me and so, I slowly removed my gloves to exposed my well manicured fingers and got the lift button to light up. Yey!

Placed everything back on and happily got into the lift and when the doors closed....Here we go again! Dumb blond I said to myself, now you have to strip it off again and touch the button inside the lift. Grumbling like Garfield, off went the gloves and jewellery again!
SURE CASE DRAMA ENTRY
The exit from the lift was nerve wrecking. I tried walking unnoticed. Huh sure! As I glided in my best possible style, the wolf whistles started and one pair by one pair, the eyes swung over to me and I coyly waved like the Queen and dashed into the safety of the waiting room when the cheer aroused more curiousity. Yes, Simone, your costume will do it, yes it will..............


Part II coming up next blog.......

I WORKED FOR A MURDERER!

This was a post "birthday" entry.

I promised to tell you about the murder and share my thoughts on the rich feeding the richer, and promises I keep

ELLIOT MURDERED HIS FATHER

This was a pre-birthday shocker, it happened a week before my 44th. My Mr Nice bozz decided to call it quits with the world at large and he chose to end it in absolute style and glamour.

NICE SHY GUY

He was a shy guy, please and thank you person, quiet and sweet. He was 51 and seemed like everything was going ok with his career and love life.

I mean what would any guy want to ask for more than what he's got? BMW, sexy Ukrainian dancer girlfren (notice I how spelt it?), estranged wife not bugging him no more, elite position in the company, great co-workers (especially me, of course!), wonderful supporter and caring bozz, great pay.

NOT PARTICULARLY NORMAL

I did, however, felt he was a little strange though. That he wasn't the usual MDs. I mean the guy didn't know two hoots about how to manage the company. He didn't guide us, he didn't make decisions, he absolutely didn't want to do a thing about anything.

Good for us but the problem was that he was totally ignorant on the things he needed to do.

COMPUTER ILITERATE MD

He couldn't even use the computer let alone manage the email systems! Amazing!!

I mean talk about having nothing to do at the office, I had to breast feed him (save the literary imagination there).

Such was to show him 5 times how to attach a file, or even find the folder (he had about 5 folders on his desktop), the same one for everytime he asked to locate.

The best computer joke was when he asked if he could write on a blank screen. So when I opened the blank word file for his use, he asked, "Where are the lines?" Huh? Hello? Earth to Elliot!

Where has he been?

I wonder what he does with the new notebook he had at home? Right now, it's in the cops custody. They should be enjoying all the pictures of the Ukranian dancer! Nyak Nyak Nyak!

SHE LEFT HIM AND USED HIS CASH FOR A CONDO

She is now back in the Ukraine, owning the property he paid for her when he last visited her homeland with her. We are not sure if she actually knows about his whereabouts!

ELLIOT AT HAPPY HOSPITAL

Elliot is now happily residing at the Happy Hospital, Fruitty Land! He has totally forgotten what he had done and trying hard to read the Bible without his glasses (the cops took it away for fear he might use it on himself, err, not on his eyes but maybe take it apart and speed up his way to heaven to join good ol dad)

THAT MORNING IT HAPPENED

Elliot left us a month ago and refused to see anyone except for good 'ol dad, so much so that he drove him deeper into what we believed to be a very unnoticed depression.

One morning good 'ol dad went into sleeping Elliot's room to ask for help on a wound afflicted during a vegetable cutting session the day before.

Some how or other, he must have said the most appropriate word and wham, he got slam dunked on the floor, face down, with a belt around his neck. Elliot choked him to death till his nose and mouth bled. He probably didn't realise it because good 'ol dad's was faced down.

NEW CHAPTER, NEW STAR

Elliot then started a new chapter in his life. Right after, he walked downstairs and confessed his sudden hobby to the security guards who, of course, called the cops, who were conveniently located next door.

Before you could say, "hello?" they were there, the press were there, the lawyers were there and the tv crew were there and Elliot became the overnight star!

I saw him on the news that night, being taken into custody, he was calm, like always. In his white shirt, sadly being cuffed and led to the police car.

The press splashed it all over with rotten incorrect news (what's new?) We were told before reading about it from all over.

WAS I A GOOD ADDITION OR NOT?

I was shocked, totally shocked and a little regretful that had I not forced him to talk about it when I noticed his strange behaviour. But Elliot wasn't the kind to share his feelings, everything was bottled up and we didn't make any easier but the good Lord knows that we had to get things going at work and we didn't have any other choice but get on with things instead of letting his procrastinations take the better of the company!

UNDECLARED MD DEFACTO

Someone had to take charge and take charge we did. We couldn't depend on an MD that sat in the office day after day, staring into the inbox of the email with his doors closed from 9-6!

I had to informally assume his role, doing all his reports, strategising with the team, composing and submitting regional performance reports.

Tsk, Tsk! one of which was commended and used as an example to be best report submtted by senior management - I did it in his name. He was as good as a statue, contributing incoherent stuff (I still have the draft of his "Return of the Jedi, him being the Jedi. Must have been an avid fan of Star Wars). I had to change it all to make him look good. Certainly boosted my inner ego, when the CEO said it was the best written! Hah!

ROOM IS TABOO

His stuff is still in his office, uncollected, untouched.

We have an infamous person's belongings waiting to be picked up.

No one goes into the room.

Typical of our race to think of the worst things that may happen if one steps into a bad luck place. Brenda went into the room once and Love just told her off for doing so and so when Brenda fell ill, the room was blamed! Amazing!

WIFE IS STILL THE BEST - DOORMAT!

All in all, something good did come out of it after all.

His estranged wife has been by his side right after his arrest and his friends are footing the bill for the country's best leading lawyer to prove him insane to save him from the gallows.

May God be with you Elliot

We think of you day after day and hope for the best!

Sorry no time to spellcheck for errors. Gotta go practice my song for the competition. I need the RM5000 plenty of stuff to fix up!