I WON THE $5000 - PART I

Simone triumphs!

I bagged it! Yes, it was a night of full glamour and Simone glammed the night and the judges.

NO COMPETITION!
I never knew I would be the winner but win I did. Nyak Nyak Nyak

Ms Mistress La La eat your heart out. Even your RM1,500 gown couldn't do it.

Neither did the giganto group of beep hopping Carrots!

Those so called Plicious couldn't beat me even if they had stripped off all their clothes!

Apologies to the sweet pencil thin belly dancer, Racquel!

Jeremy Swayed but didn't sway down to woo the crowd. He was about the best singer that night though, sweet Jeremy.

WHAT ON EARTH?

And for the rest, I don't even recall them. Oh yes, there was a couple who shouldn't even have participated! I am not sure if they knew the meaning of performing. I mean rolling around the carpet has a very different meaning and really should be confined within 4 walls really.
DRESS REHEARSAL MALFUNCTION
They all thought I was a gonner at sound check rehearsals. All but my dearest Honeybuddy. She kept routing for me. " Focus!" she said, "Don't think about anything, just remember the words."

I did! Only when I was driving or singing alone!

She was there for me at sound check, in the room, eating with me and keeping me on my toes. What a doll of a princess!
SIMONE THE WRECK
The nerves were wrecked sky high when I belted out the acapella bit (singing without music that is.) Half way through, further horrors happened, I forgot the lyrics (so typical Simone)

That was when PC was confident that the prize was in the Carrot's bag.

Then we saw the rest, Plicious, Ms Mistress Lala, Racquel without her belly and Jeremy Sway, then we decided that the prize was halfway out of the bag instead for me. I figured I wouldn't stand a chance.
ONE MORE TRY & LET'S STUFF OURSELVES FULL
Honeybuddy and I left after another try out and this time, I bagged the song. Phew!

So happily we went up to relax, but ended up gorging up a huge meal, fighting with one another who to finish what was ordered. With the price we were going to pay, we should have eaten the plates and table mats and stowed away the trolley as well.

I mean $39 for local vermicelli! It's real robbery. One packet can feed 5-6, 39 packets can, well, you figure it out! It was a down right sin! But nevermind, we were hungry. When one was as hungry as we were, we got really blinded with the numbers. Don't cry over spilt milk or rather champagne in this case and we swallowed every bit of it.
BOTH READY FOR BELLY DANCING, COZ WE SURE HAD A COUPLE
Ok, now what do we do about the perut buncit ah? Well, we could have taken over the belly dancer part and at least we had the belly to perform a better belly shaking routine then Racquel's absolutely airport runway belly! I tell ya, a concorde could have recorded the smoothest landing. Which continues to add that she was also flat out at the higher level of her body. But she was a sweet thing, quiet and demure and soft.

Hey, fellows, beware of this though, I, the nasty Simone Cruelle was too once a sweet demure lurer of the opposite sex of some international races and nationality.
IGNORANCE IS BLISS
Honeybuddy had a solution, she cleverly packed in her girdle which I tried desperately to borrow to which in her usual manner ignored my question.

That's my Honeybuddy, if a question was asked but not to be answered, she switches off and switches on the next button, that is, very very swiftly change channels and starts to stray your thoughts elsewhere.

OF GEMS & SECRETS

Yes, she has secrets....everyone else's secrets. She is aka spongerina. It's all part of her profession but very very interesting. She, like my big boss has one too, Honeybuddy is MY GEM! Unfortunately my big boss's gem ain't too polished and you don't need to use high powered digital magnifier you can tell that her gem is deeply and terribly flawed.

My Honeybuddy is totally polished to the core. Well, at least I can't find any flaws so far not even with the hight powered digital magnifier. I hope I am right! Na, I am sure I am right.
GIRDLE OR NOT, THE SHOW MUST GO ON
So without the girdle and with Honeybuddy all ready to go, I assured her I could manage getting ready myself and so I did.

FAKE SUPPORT

The Scorpians (my office mates) especially Aluv was far too busy with her self inflicted paranoia love issue with Loveboy, our boss. Well, I received support in getting a couple of hours off to get the costume together and a couple of ra-ra short message service via mobile.

Thank you very much, helps a lot, tsk tsk! I am not one that expects a lot from anyone, anyway. So be it!
GETTING READY
So I got all ready, did my stage make-up. Panicked because I was tearing for no apparent reason and couldn't stop it for about 10 minutes! I thought, shucks, now I have to sing a chirpy song in tears. That would not do, no way.

It stopped, thank God!

TRANSVESTIE IN THE MIRROR!

Then after the make-up, stared myself in the mirror and saw a transvestite in it! What the heck! It happens all the time. Before I could look like a convincing transvestite but now, just a fat grand transvestite dame. Well, maybe they might give me points for doing just that, yes, it could be considered done on purpose! Yes, a possible strategy!
QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE
So this is Simone, Queen of the Jungle! Be satisfied woman, you are what you are, just love it!

I then proceeded with the wig, yup!, platinum blond bob hairdo. I placed like about a thousand pins to secure it because it had to hold up the tiara, no not the Elmo one! This time a really glamour 1 foot tall tiara but I had to make sure it would not sway to Jeremy's song and sway off my platinum wig taking the wig with it!

So another 1000 pins went in and wow, did I experience major tightness. I actually felt like the character in the Hellraiser movie. Then on went the tiara, the dress, the can can skirt.

Yeah, the can can skirt, had to add that on. The silver dress was cut down to the valley of my two titties and raised up too high to expose the dessert ripples of my thighs aka super cellulite aka pomelo skin.

Continued putting on the rest....gloves and baubles and earrings to complete the look. Picked up the huge feather accessory which I would have to wear behind my back and started out of the room out of the door.
SCENE MAKER EXTRAORDINAIRE AKA SUPER DRAMA QUEEN
I reached the lifts and pressed the buttons. Nothing, no light! Oh my goodness, now what?

I couldn't put the back gear down on the floor because it would mess up the frame and my other hand was adorned with all the jewellery that was placed over my gloves. Now how ah?

That question brought back flashes of Elliott asking the same whenever there was an issue at work!

LIFT SAGA

I thought then, hey, I could use my toes, or my nose, these were about the two parts that would generate enough heat to bring the lifts down to me! The leg lifted and then the brain locked into gear and I flashed a look into the camera which was of course, staring at me! Well, it could be something to cheer up the security guards watching but the boring part of me got the better of me and so, I slowly removed my gloves to exposed my well manicured fingers and got the lift button to light up. Yey!

Placed everything back on and happily got into the lift and when the doors closed....Here we go again! Dumb blond I said to myself, now you have to strip it off again and touch the button inside the lift. Grumbling like Garfield, off went the gloves and jewellery again!
SURE CASE DRAMA ENTRY
The exit from the lift was nerve wrecking. I tried walking unnoticed. Huh sure! As I glided in my best possible style, the wolf whistles started and one pair by one pair, the eyes swung over to me and I coyly waved like the Queen and dashed into the safety of the waiting room when the cheer aroused more curiousity. Yes, Simone, your costume will do it, yes it will..............


Part II coming up next blog.......