This was Laprimadona's old blog......
Day 1, Thursday 31 May 2007
Welcome to Simon Cruelle's Blog spot.
Here is where the truth and only the truth and the very ugly comes out in my day to day experiences. The feminine counterpart of Simon Cowell, the absolutely ugly truth about my life's experiences. Read on if you dare, it could just be about you whether you like it or not and there will be no apologies for all that is said because it is the truth and how I see it. To this be my humble opinion.
Happy reading.....
Let's start from the begining of yesterday, my 44th birthday. I decided to blog my thoughts and splash it to the world. Yeah, might make some enemies but who cares, some seem to be friends with you but inside the enemy lurks wanderously and when the time is right, it strikes out.
LOVE ME LOVE ME NOT!
Take for an example, my husband! He pretends 24/7 that he loves me but all the things he does show clearly otherwise! Sound familiar? I smoke and he passes remarks and shows his sarcasm by creating little pantomimes to speak his mind.
SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH HIM HOW TO BE DIRECT!
The problem is that he doesn't know how to speak his mind so he harbours every little thing inside his little head by which I mean at both ends until he explodes it out with his now latest sarcastic techniques. Lately by action and formerly be his bad breathe mouth. Earlier on he would pass snide remarks here and there, fleeting it by you and wait to see the reaction which he least expects and yet, on the other hand, he really is trying to say it so you can read in between the lines and hopefully one would change to his whims and fancies.
FACE IT, YOU MAY BE NICER BUT I AM DEFINITELY SMARTER
Unfortunately, it backfires on him all the time, because after 8 years, he still hasn't learnt or accepted the fact that his wife, yours truly is by far, smarter, quicker, faster than his thinking mind. Not only that but I am straight as an arrow as you will find out as you read my journals.
Yes, out comes the arrow right smack into his stupidity. And he still questions my directness and intelligence. This further goes to show how ignorant and dumb the fellow is! Amazing this species called men or rather I should term it properly, husbands. They aren't like that when they are otherwise that is, before they get you in bed.
STOP ACTING COZ YOU ARE A BAD ACTOR!
At my birthday dinner, he didn't like me smoking and instead of just politely asking if I could refrain from doing so, this is what he did.... The spaniard asked to be lit a cigarette, so I did and thereafter, he held the cigarette after exchanging it with the second one that I lit since I gave him the first one. Why the exchange? Seems he couldn't smoke a cigarette that was lit only on one side. Some silly superstition that someone would be thinking of the person smoking the side lit cigarette.
Men can be so ridiculous, most times worst than women. Then he held the cigarette and didn't smoke it. He then offered it several times to my daughter. What in the hell for? Well, his rational was that if she does it in front of us, she is more likely not to hide it if she ever decided to smoke to which I explained that she had already tried it and that it is not our responsibility to encourage it which was what he was outrightly doing at that time.
So his actions irritated me not to mention that he was over feeding our already too fat son resulting in his suffering from indigestion! But of course. So I got fed up, who wouldn't and called it a night! Then he turned around and blamed me for spoiling the night? Wow, ain't that just great? I felt like I was the toilet and he just pulled the leaver and flushed the poop into me!
OK ALREADY! SING THE DAMN SONG AND LET ME GO HOME!
It took a million years for the bill as all came to a complete silent, had my hair chose to drop from its follicles then, we would have heared it! He then said, the restaurant had wanted to bring me cake and sing me a birthday song, so out came the mask with smiles and all (it's not their fault, I married a spanish unriped green tomatoe) so we survived the song and paid the bill and left in silence! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMONE!
THE DAY BEFORE THE NIGHT
Other than that the day went superbly well before the spanish treat. It started with presents from my hr buddy, aka honeybunny, then a cake from Ms L, our receptionist, then Angilove, my superior and magazines from Metalmouth (for the moment being) and took pictures with office "frens" Why "frens" cos they aren't all real, only when they choose to be. Then the flowers came.
THE ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR
Talking about that... Many hints went out to get that, so at the end of the day, it was orchestrated and I was the conductor. Sigh, the story of my life. I am the one that makes everything happen or not happen. Such boredom. One day, one day it will come.
WISHES NOT - FROM "CLOSE FRENS?" AND GODMUM
All I get from my husband are nasty surprises and understandably I return it the same way. So it ended up not being a surprise because truth of the matter is that, I expected it to happen and it did. My closest best buddies out of the office, forgot about my birthday, so I called them so they could wish me happy birthday, my godmum didn't call and when I called her to let her wish me, she said she didn't call me because she had wished me the Saturday before! Hello???
COMPLAIN BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM MY MOTHER
The rich just get worst and worst, how much would have that cost her I wonder. My mother called wished me happy birthday and started again on complaining on how she got conned by her close friend buying the lottery. She had asked her fren to buy the 4 digit numbers and after the numbers came up, mum called her to inform her to which her fren said she might not have gotten the numbers for her and mum suspected she pocketed the winnings. To mum this was a bigger issue than when I called her to tell her I was upset about the news of my boss mudering his father with his belt! That's my mum!
BIRTHDAY WISHES FROM THE SIBLINGS
My brother Dcarazy sms'ed me to wish me and told me he had banked in the red packet worth 200 into my account. My sisters (I have three sisters and one brother) El and Moi called to wish me too and also to say that they would be celebrating my birthday at Bukonero in Singapore. Everybody's been there, except me and the same that everybody's been invited to Japan when El was stationed there except for me. Then Moi's husband Delo tried calling in the night and then sent an sms. My future boss smsed me too which I missed and hurriedly smsed him back after learning during the day that he gets upset when he doesn't get an immediate response.
PICTURE WITH ELMO
During the day, I sent out a picture of me and Angilove which happened to have Elmo on top of my cabinet and when the picture was downloaded we noticed that Elmo ended up in the picture atop my head making me look like I had Elmo standing right ontop. Thought it was funny so I forwarded to everyone to which I received some nice remarks and of course, how can there not be any knieving, side track nasty ones plus one who totally misinterpreted the whole thing.
OFFICE MOTOR MOUTH
One smart alec, son of an old colleague who was once in love with me (another one with extreme bad breathe besides my husband), insinuated that the whole idea of my sending it out was to announce my birthday. I retorted by thanking him for the slap on my face for my birthday and added that I accept the birthday gift nevertheless.
METALMOUTH ON ELMO PICTURE
Metalmouth said I had a nice tiara (she could just be saying, it was befitting since it was Elmo instead of diamonds) to which I replied that I figured I would make a better Ms Universe 2007 than Ms Japan would. My egg pan looks better than Ms Japan by the way.
ULTIMATE SMOKIN' DING BAT
Then the Grumbler totally lost the whole essence of the email and referred the tiara in mention, to our malaysian discontinued Proton car Tiara and remarked privately to her group of friends via bcc, that she can't imagine how I could fit into the car whilst she couldn't even find the pedals of such a small car! Because she had bcc'ed to her list, one of them checked with me if I had received it and showed it to me. Obviously Grumbler didn't know I was driving an even smaller car than the Tiara and that all 150kg of my husband, 75kg of me, 50kg of my daughter and 37kg of my son cramps into it for all our family outings. Wow that is a total of 315kg packed into this sardin can, no wonder its leaking.
SO MUCH SMOKE SHE COULD MOVE A LOCOMOTIVE
Well, we, who read the email concluded that Grumbler was only good at grumbling and is totally lagging in the grey matter in her brain to function properly. Its probably full of smoke anyway at the rate she smokes, any chimney would get clogged with her around within seconds. Trust me, as she speaks, super thick smoke just gushes out of her chimney mouth, horizontally of course. Also we realised why she couldn't find the pedals of the Tiara let alone any car, her belly would probably be the reason that obstructed her vision from the pedals. For her, best would be to remove the driver seat and have her drive from the back seat, but then again, we will have to modify the pedals to reach her legs and then again, the belly would be obstructing again. I think she best be in a wheelchair and be wheeled around and then she could be a choo choo train! The amount of smoke she chuggs out would be able to move her around without extra help.
Yes, this is what this blog is all about, not only spilling out the beans but plus all the juices and reminants of the after.
See ya soon!
RICH GETTING RICHER, POOR GETTING POORER
Tell you about the murder in the next blog and how the rich keeps feeding the rich whilst my home fuse box keeps blowing up and no one actually offers to have it fixed for this struggling family who lives day to day with 10 pots boiling over fire and only 6 covers to close the pots from month to month, but gives money to an already rich daughter of hers who is buying her 5th property in hosh posh London city!
Amazing! Isn't it!
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