I feel so much hate for my family as much as they hate me! Ever since my father passed away 5 years ago, I have been ostracized as the black burnt sheep! Everybody thinks I am useless, selfish and spendthrift blah, blah, blah, and so what! I never asked anyone to love me. Let me love myself, period.
Mother’s Love?
My mother, who never cares and only knows how to grumble at me has now tripled the grumblings after my father’s death. Putting me down, controlling my life, and passing nasty remarks every time I see her. Every time is at most once to twice a year, maximum. Thank God, anymore visits with her would just drive me to my immediate death.
Sickened Siblings
My siblings, also are disgusted with me, I am the one always needing help and not giving help. Hey, I am not the one with the degree, landing myself in a cushy, cushy job because I was a Cambridge or University of Manchester, or USM or DISTED grad. Yes, I was the worst of the lot, especially to my mother.
Dad never thought me less, I was always the best in all that I could do. He loved me unconditionally. No one else has learnt to do that with me!
Totally Degraded
Now that I am not working, I have been further degraded in the ranks of my family. They don’t consider me a housewife like my other sister who is a housewife. She is different, she is a housewife with a degree. I am one with nothing. So I am considered “jobless.” The pariah of the family.
Family of Hate
As for my own dysfunctional family, I am always seen as the crazy one. Buying love from my children instead being a real mother is my failure. So I am born self centered, and I have been for almost 45 years, change me if you can. My husband expects me to accept him for what he is because he professes that it was not possible to expect change from him when he has been what he is for 47 years. So I ask myself, does this mean the change cannot apply to him but should apply to me only??? That I have to change and that he needn’t. I have had enough of this one way street treatment!
Happy Celebration, Nah! Thanx, Tongue of Torture
Mother’s Love?
My mother, who never cares and only knows how to grumble at me has now tripled the grumblings after my father’s death. Putting me down, controlling my life, and passing nasty remarks every time I see her. Every time is at most once to twice a year, maximum. Thank God, anymore visits with her would just drive me to my immediate death.
Sickened Siblings
My siblings, also are disgusted with me, I am the one always needing help and not giving help. Hey, I am not the one with the degree, landing myself in a cushy, cushy job because I was a Cambridge or University of Manchester, or USM or DISTED grad. Yes, I was the worst of the lot, especially to my mother.
Dad never thought me less, I was always the best in all that I could do. He loved me unconditionally. No one else has learnt to do that with me!
Totally Degraded
Now that I am not working, I have been further degraded in the ranks of my family. They don’t consider me a housewife like my other sister who is a housewife. She is different, she is a housewife with a degree. I am one with nothing. So I am considered “jobless.” The pariah of the family.
Family of Hate
As for my own dysfunctional family, I am always seen as the crazy one. Buying love from my children instead being a real mother is my failure. So I am born self centered, and I have been for almost 45 years, change me if you can. My husband expects me to accept him for what he is because he professes that it was not possible to expect change from him when he has been what he is for 47 years. So I ask myself, does this mean the change cannot apply to him but should apply to me only??? That I have to change and that he needn’t. I have had enough of this one way street treatment!
Happy Celebration, Nah! Thanx, Tongue of Torture
It was our 9th anniversary and yet again, I regretted to celebrate by having a simple dinner out of the house. Yes, again and again, he had spoilt it, every birthday, every anniversary, any outing for that matter. I don’t know why on earth I am still with him. I cannot stand whatever comes out of his mouth. He doesn’t think when he say things sarcastically. One after another, spitting out razors at me and at my daughter, day after day, year after year. I always reacted back by lashing back at him and then he turns that around and blames me for attacking him. I keep failing to make him understand that my action was a reaction to his tongue of torture.
Begging Doormaid
We have to put up with it because he is the MAN of the house and paying for the bills since this March after I lost yet another job because I couldn’t keep it. I have been reduced to not only a DOORMAT but a DOORMAID BEGGAR! Begging for money when I am out, making stupid excuses, manipulating the commitments, squeezing from here and there, doing all these creative accounting work just to have a buck here and there.
There hasn’t been a year that I wasn’t required to beg for something to have. At the end, he would give it but in bad taste. What I fail to understand is why my husband makes me whine and beg when at the end, he would give it nevertheless. A simple yes would have made the gift so much more memorable and treasured. Now all I remember is that this was given to me but I remember how badly I had to whine and beg like a spoilt child.
Why Did Dad Go?
How can I be happy? My dad was the only one who knew how to make and keep me happy, but he died too soon to share his expertise in handling a wife with my husband. He took it to his grave. What a waste.
Selflessness Taken Advantage Of!
I am sorry, I am just not the kind of woman he (my husband) expects me to be. I am not like his sister and never will be like her, giving her all to everyone and anyone. Not even having the luxury of walking into a shop to look for something she fancied for herself because her man wanted to go elsewhere. Would it have been so bad for them to let her have 15 minutes to browse at something she would like? No, it was always for everyone else not her own. Yes, she is happily selfless, not every woman is made that way. I certainly am not and will never be unless the Dr knocks me out into a coma with his prescription meds for me!
Death of a Selfish Woman
Yes, I hate everyone for not loving me but I am not about to go begging for love, I need to find it myself and I will. If I can’t, then, I should not live.
Now, even my siblings except for one won’t even take my calls, fine! I don’t care if no one cares. I will care for myself, I will love myself, I will live my life the way I want it to be.................if not alive then in death.
Great book title: Death of a Selfish Woman
Begging Doormaid
We have to put up with it because he is the MAN of the house and paying for the bills since this March after I lost yet another job because I couldn’t keep it. I have been reduced to not only a DOORMAT but a DOORMAID BEGGAR! Begging for money when I am out, making stupid excuses, manipulating the commitments, squeezing from here and there, doing all these creative accounting work just to have a buck here and there.
There hasn’t been a year that I wasn’t required to beg for something to have. At the end, he would give it but in bad taste. What I fail to understand is why my husband makes me whine and beg when at the end, he would give it nevertheless. A simple yes would have made the gift so much more memorable and treasured. Now all I remember is that this was given to me but I remember how badly I had to whine and beg like a spoilt child.
Why Did Dad Go?
How can I be happy? My dad was the only one who knew how to make and keep me happy, but he died too soon to share his expertise in handling a wife with my husband. He took it to his grave. What a waste.
Selflessness Taken Advantage Of!
I am sorry, I am just not the kind of woman he (my husband) expects me to be. I am not like his sister and never will be like her, giving her all to everyone and anyone. Not even having the luxury of walking into a shop to look for something she fancied for herself because her man wanted to go elsewhere. Would it have been so bad for them to let her have 15 minutes to browse at something she would like? No, it was always for everyone else not her own. Yes, she is happily selfless, not every woman is made that way. I certainly am not and will never be unless the Dr knocks me out into a coma with his prescription meds for me!
Death of a Selfish Woman
Yes, I hate everyone for not loving me but I am not about to go begging for love, I need to find it myself and I will. If I can’t, then, I should not live.
Now, even my siblings except for one won’t even take my calls, fine! I don’t care if no one cares. I will care for myself, I will love myself, I will live my life the way I want it to be.................if not alive then in death.
Great book title: Death of a Selfish Woman
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